Nuke n' Pave - Time to start over from scratch.
Social media has, for all intents and purposes, failed me.
Not that I'm trying hard to maintain a presence on most networks, admittedly. I abandoned G+ before the shutdown date, and I rarely posted to tumblr even before deleting my account during the algorithm exodus. The less said about facebook (or is it FACEBOOK now?) the better. Even the Mastodon and Pillowfort experiments ran out of steam for me rather quickly; it turns out that low user base social media networks where you don't know anyone aren't really all that welcoming regardless of carefully tuned user experience controls. I'm still on twitter, obviously - if you're reading this you probably caught the link from my account there - but only grudgingly some days.
So here I am once again - back to the familiar and comforting solitude of personal blogging. I've removed all of my old posts as most of them are more than a year old at this point, and hardly relevant to where I am in my life right now. As always it remains to be seen whether I will be able to make posting here a habit again, but I'd like to try. Fair warning - there's going to be a lot more random brain-dumps and navel-gazing around here than I've been able to indulge in on twitter. I haven't been able to really dig into some of the stuff rattling around in my head for quite some time, and this is as good a place to get into it as any.
Anyway, where does that leave me?
I'm about halfway into my second year of working for my current employer, a not-for-profit educational technology company where I work as a shipping and fulfillment manager. If that sounds like a fancy title for a guy that sends a lot of stuff by UPS, you're right. The program is a worthwhile cause and overall I like the environment and my co-workers; there's still a hiccough or two to deal with on occasion, but it's a far better deal than working at a U Haul shop again. I am effectively the only person in my department at this point, after letting the last of our seasonal help go last week. We're supposed to be entering the "quiet season", which is a laugh - I've had more to do in the past week than I had for the previous month. Still, it's nothing I can't handle.
I'm... not really drawing anymore. I'm still trying to decide if there's an actual problem getting in the way, or if it has just started to fade out of my life in the same way that my voracious reading habit did in my mid twenties. I'm not sure which of those is worse, really. Feeling something I considered a core part of my identity slipping away is intensely upsetting.
I'm doing better on the tabletop gaming side of things, though it's not necessarily smooth sailing there. I did finally manage to attend GenCon this year along with a handful of my friends, fulfilling a twenty year old dream. It was... not exactly what I had expected, but it was exciting and fulfilling in ways I didn't expect it to be. I even successfully managed to co-GM a game, which is apparently an oddity for a first time attendee. On the other hand, day to day life is making scheduling games harder as the months go by, and it's not uncommon for us to be short a player on any given night. I'm trying to supplement the traditional Saturday night sessions with weekday afternoon games, but getting a new group together is always a chore.
My parents are finally selling their house in Georgia, after years of treating their renters with kid gloves despite multiple infuriating incidents. They're also looking into finding a new place to live in town and have started talking about a small house somewhere here in the valley; they've suggested that I could move in with them, with the understanding that I'd probably inherit the place sometime in the future. I'm okay with moving in with them if they really need the financial help, but I'm honestly hesitant to do so in any other circumstance - I don't know if my mother could adapt to having me around as a paying roommate rather than as an adult son living under his parents' roof. She can barely deal with the idea that my brother and I have entirely different lifestyles than what she imagined for us as kids.
And lastly - I'm still hesitating over getting myself into therapy. I'm still on a substantial daily dose of Wellbutrin and can manage most of the time, but I have breakthrough spikes of anxiety and depression often enough that it's clearly not sufficient. I can't really articulate what's stopping me, aside from just flat out not feeling comfortable with the idea of opening up to a stranger. I'm in need of new glasses and another trip or two to the dentist, so I still don't think I'll be getting set up with a counselor any time soon, but next year it may have to be bumped to the top of the list.
And it's now apparently almost an hour past my usual bed time, so I'm going to leave it at that.
If you're still reading at this point - well, thanks for sticking with it, and hopefully I'll have something more interesting to post about next time.
G'night for now.
Not that I'm trying hard to maintain a presence on most networks, admittedly. I abandoned G+ before the shutdown date, and I rarely posted to tumblr even before deleting my account during the algorithm exodus. The less said about facebook (or is it FACEBOOK now?) the better. Even the Mastodon and Pillowfort experiments ran out of steam for me rather quickly; it turns out that low user base social media networks where you don't know anyone aren't really all that welcoming regardless of carefully tuned user experience controls. I'm still on twitter, obviously - if you're reading this you probably caught the link from my account there - but only grudgingly some days.
So here I am once again - back to the familiar and comforting solitude of personal blogging. I've removed all of my old posts as most of them are more than a year old at this point, and hardly relevant to where I am in my life right now. As always it remains to be seen whether I will be able to make posting here a habit again, but I'd like to try. Fair warning - there's going to be a lot more random brain-dumps and navel-gazing around here than I've been able to indulge in on twitter. I haven't been able to really dig into some of the stuff rattling around in my head for quite some time, and this is as good a place to get into it as any.
Anyway, where does that leave me?
I'm about halfway into my second year of working for my current employer, a not-for-profit educational technology company where I work as a shipping and fulfillment manager. If that sounds like a fancy title for a guy that sends a lot of stuff by UPS, you're right. The program is a worthwhile cause and overall I like the environment and my co-workers; there's still a hiccough or two to deal with on occasion, but it's a far better deal than working at a U Haul shop again. I am effectively the only person in my department at this point, after letting the last of our seasonal help go last week. We're supposed to be entering the "quiet season", which is a laugh - I've had more to do in the past week than I had for the previous month. Still, it's nothing I can't handle.
I'm... not really drawing anymore. I'm still trying to decide if there's an actual problem getting in the way, or if it has just started to fade out of my life in the same way that my voracious reading habit did in my mid twenties. I'm not sure which of those is worse, really. Feeling something I considered a core part of my identity slipping away is intensely upsetting.
I'm doing better on the tabletop gaming side of things, though it's not necessarily smooth sailing there. I did finally manage to attend GenCon this year along with a handful of my friends, fulfilling a twenty year old dream. It was... not exactly what I had expected, but it was exciting and fulfilling in ways I didn't expect it to be. I even successfully managed to co-GM a game, which is apparently an oddity for a first time attendee. On the other hand, day to day life is making scheduling games harder as the months go by, and it's not uncommon for us to be short a player on any given night. I'm trying to supplement the traditional Saturday night sessions with weekday afternoon games, but getting a new group together is always a chore.
My parents are finally selling their house in Georgia, after years of treating their renters with kid gloves despite multiple infuriating incidents. They're also looking into finding a new place to live in town and have started talking about a small house somewhere here in the valley; they've suggested that I could move in with them, with the understanding that I'd probably inherit the place sometime in the future. I'm okay with moving in with them if they really need the financial help, but I'm honestly hesitant to do so in any other circumstance - I don't know if my mother could adapt to having me around as a paying roommate rather than as an adult son living under his parents' roof. She can barely deal with the idea that my brother and I have entirely different lifestyles than what she imagined for us as kids.
And lastly - I'm still hesitating over getting myself into therapy. I'm still on a substantial daily dose of Wellbutrin and can manage most of the time, but I have breakthrough spikes of anxiety and depression often enough that it's clearly not sufficient. I can't really articulate what's stopping me, aside from just flat out not feeling comfortable with the idea of opening up to a stranger. I'm in need of new glasses and another trip or two to the dentist, so I still don't think I'll be getting set up with a counselor any time soon, but next year it may have to be bumped to the top of the list.
And it's now apparently almost an hour past my usual bed time, so I'm going to leave it at that.
If you're still reading at this point - well, thanks for sticking with it, and hopefully I'll have something more interesting to post about next time.
G'night for now.
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